Some questions should never be asked. “Why are you still single?” is one of them.
Hint: if you are married, NEVER ask this question of a single friend unless you no longer want to have them as a friend.
Let’s face it – we live in a couples’ world. Everything is set up based on two people. This fact came home pretty hard this past week.
I received an offer in the mail for a free vacation, airfare and hotel, for two. Excitement started to percolate as I thought about the possibilities of where I would like to travel. I called the number on the letter, got all the information and decided I was willing to endure the 90 minute spiel to get the free tickets. It was about then that the marketer asks the question:
“Are you married or cohabitating?”
“No, I am not married or cohabitating,” I replied.
“Well then, I apologize, but we cannot extend this offer to you. It’s only for couples.”
Now I know many married folks would love to be single again. However, as glamorous and exciting as it may seem, being single is not all that easy or glamorous. The full load of all life’s responsibilities falls squarely on one person’s shoulders and that is quite a hefty burden to bear. Take heart, friends.You are not alone and, as a long-time single, I am here to tell you it is possible to survive and thrive as a single while you are waiting for Mr. or Ms. Wonderful to come along.
Below are 5 tips I’ve learned over the years that help me focus on the positives when my mind wants to focus on the negatives of the single life.
1. Be thankful for our singleness.
Yes, I know it is difficult at times, but as a happily divorced lady, I can tell you being single is a heck of a lot better than being in a bad marriage – by far! As the apostle Paul stated in Phil 4:11 “I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am in.” Paul went through some pretty tough situations and he was single. If we think our lives are tough, imagine being in his shoes.
2. Remember that God has a plan for each of us.
Sometimes it takes years for God’s plan to be revealed. Honestly, I think it has a lot to do with the lessons we each need to learn. In the meantime, discover your gifts and begin using them for the glory of God to serve other people. We each have gifts and when we get out of our self-centered selves to focus on other people’s needs, we will be filled with joy, purpose, and less time to have a pity party.
3. Make space.
Clean out your house, your garage, your closets. Get counseling to get rid of your old baggage. In other words, get rid of all the material and emotional clutter. Many singles I know are out every night of the week or working so much they have no time or room for a significant other. If you want God to bring you a partner, you best have the time and energy to devote to him or her.
4. Don’t settle.
Now I know many of you, gals in particular, feel like the clock is ticking. Every time some guy asks me how old my kids are I think “Here we go again…”. I tell them straight up. I don’t believe in hiding important facts. The truth is going to come out sooner or later and better to deal with issues up front than after you become emotionally attached. Mr. Right will love you for who YOU are and if he doesn’t then he is not your Mr. Right. Next!
5. Trust God’s timing.
It’s easy to take things into your own hands and make things happen on your own timetable. But resist that urge. God sees the big picture. He is working behind the scenes preparing people. Focus on healing yourself and making yourself the best you can be. The more issues you clear out of the way beforehand the smoother your relationship with Mr/Ms Right will be when the time comes.
Ok, I hope these tips are helpful. Love to hear your thoughts so please post a comment. No matter what our status is, each day is a gift. Until next time, keep looking up!