3 Ways to Spot an Unhealthy Person

Do you keep attracting the same type of people into your life and don’t know why? You know the kind I’m referring to:  the energy-suckers,  the moochers, the controllers. These are a few examples of unhealthy people it is best to stay clear of.  As this blog is dedicated to all of our healing, I’m sharing an incident that illustrates what to be aware of when meeting new people before they cause us any heartache or pain.  

I was at the pool relaxing, when the lifeguard comes over and hands me a note. It was an invite from a new acquaintance to go for pizza at the newest Italian hotspot in town.

Isn’t that interesting? I’ve been wanting to go for pizza for several weeks and here, out of the blue, this person wants to go….hmmmm.

I thought about it for a while and decided it would be nice to visit the new place and besides it was Happy Hour and the prices would be discounted. Or so I thought. It was a lovely summer evening so we asked for a table outside and began to peruse the menu. Turns out happy hour prices were only at the bar, but we decided we preferred sitting outside.

Since this person has asked me to go “out for a drink” several times, I thought it was best to ask for separate checks.  I’m not a big drinker and drinks can sure up the tab.
Tip: ask for separate checks so you don’t have to squabble about who ordered what when going out with others. Unless, of course, you are independently wealthy, and money is no object.

As the evening progressed, all this person did was talk about herself, her kids, her new boyfriend, her ex, her business. It was interminable.

Is she ever going to take a breath?

I waited for her to ask me something about my life. She never did.

“I’ll have another glass of Malbec,” she said. It was getting harder and harder to follow her conversation.  

Oh brother. No wonder she asked me to drive.

You get the idea of how the evening went.  It ended with my dinner mate downing both of the complimentary shots of Limoncello and me heading for the parking lot, keys in hand and she staggering close behind.
Tip: drive your own car if you want to be sure to be home at a reasonable hour.

The good news is the evening provided fodder for this post.  So, before starting up a friendship with a new person, here are three questions to ask yourself:

1.  Is this person needy or emotionally-dependent?  Some clues are:
      a) does this person talk about him or her/self a lot?
      b)  are  the conversations one or two-sided? In other words, do you truly dialogue or are you
            listening to a monologue?
      c)  does this person have a circle of  healthy friends or are you this person’s main entertainment?

2.  Is this person a giver or a taker? Does this person pay their share when dining out? If you are on a first date with a guy, does he pay for you? Generosity is a sign of a healthy person and is not limited to money, but money is a good place to start.

And last, but definitely not least,

3. Do you feel comfortable being yourself around this person? I have actually had guys tell me what to wear, how to style my hair & how much makeup to wear, believe it or not.  One guy insisted which painting I should buy for my house! Ahem! Whose house is this anyway, I wanted to ask.
 Control is a huge problem in unhealthy relationships, so if you are feeling uncomfortable ask yourself if you are feeling free or controlled.
The healthier we become, the more we will attract healthy people into our lives and the quicker we will be able to spot unhealthy people. When we find ourselves frustrated, stressed, or anxious, it is time to deal with the issues in our relationships.

We are all in need of healing. Some of us more so than others. If this post has helped you in some way or at least made you laugh, please leave a comment and by all means, pass it on.

Until next time, remember we are all on our own journey so keep looking up!