4 Stages of Attraction: What Makes a Man Attractive to a Woman

Frustrated with the dating scene? Tired of not being able to connect with someone? The problem is the same for both sexes so a bit of education might be helpful. Last week, we talked about the four stages of attraction for men. This week I’m going to share the four stages of attraction that women go through when they meet a man. They are indeed very different from the order in which men are attracted to women so let’s go ahead and find out what they are.

Level #1:Romantic and Emotional Level

Whereas men are first attracted visually to a woman, women are usually attracted to some aspect of who a man is or something about his demeanor. It could be his smile, the way he says her name, the level of success he has achieved. Just as physical chemistry is the first and lowest level of attraction for men, romantic/emotional chemistry is the first and lowest level for a woman. This is why men often go the cards and flowers route early on in the relationship. They know women are emotional beings, but speaking from personal experience, these gestures however lovely and romantic they may be, often disguise a less than desirable character and low-self-esteem. Many times women mistake romance for true chemistry when in fact, this is only the first level.

Level #2: Mental Attraction

Yes, women are attracted to a man’s mind, his intelligence and his intellect. The more intelligent and intellectual a woman is, if a man is not on the same level as she, this will not be a good match in the long run. What kinds of subjects does he like to talk about? Education comes into play here. A highly-educated woman will not be happy with a man with a high school education. They will be unable to communicate on the same level and it will be frustrating for both. They will also not be able to resolve conflicts and misunderstandings easily.

Level #3: Physical Attraction

Some women are attracted at the physical level first. These are usually the younger women, those on the rebound, and those who have not matured emotionally. Strong physical attraction is actually a red flag. This can blind a woman to a man’s real character and she can wind up being very hurt. The wise woman will enjoy the romantic gestures and the physical attraction but will not be swept up by it. She will guard her heart until she gets to know a man’s personality and character. A woman who keeps herself in shape usually is attracted to men who are in good physical shape as well, but there are exceptions sometimes.

Level #4:Soul Attraction

When a woman feels attraction and chemistry at the three previous levels, she is then ready to fall in love and move into soul attraction. When she likes who a man is, can interact with him at the same level, and finds him physically attractive, she is then open to falling in love with this man. If she accepts him as he is and can love him unconditionally, she will feel that this is the man she is meant to be with. There will be a deep connection at the soul level.

Everyone I’ve asked agrees there must be chemistry for a relationship to work. It’s either there or it’s not. Don’t try to make it happen. What about the concept of a soul mate? Do you believe there is such a thing and if so, do you believe there is only one person right for you? If so, how do you know? Love to hear your thoughts on this topic so please post a comment and click the Google icon. Also, if you’d like to receive these posts, please enter your email in the box to the right.

Until next time, keep looking up!


The 4 Stages of Attraction: How a Man is Attracted to a Woman

Single? Divorced? Widowed? Searching for your soulmate? You’re not alone. According to recent reports, there are more than 100 million single Americans. Yet, it’s not so easy to find someone you’re attracted to, much less compatible with. The dating scene can be intimidating but the good news is we can educate ourselves on how we are attracted to the opposite sex so we make more informed choices as to whom we decide to date. Did you know that men are attracted at different levels than women? This week’s post is dedicated to helping singles understand the four levels of attraction for men and next week we’ll take a look at the four stages for women.

Stage #1: Physical Attraction

We all know that men are visual creatures so it comes as no surprise to learn that guys are attracted at the physical level. This is the first and lowest level of attraction. Young men and even a more mature man on the rebound are attracted at this level. This is stage 1 for a man.

Stage 2: Emotional Attraction

This has to do with a woman’s personality; how she relates to the world and others. Some men like a woman with a bubbly personality, others prefer the more quiet type. Some experts say opposites attract when it comes to personality, and from my experience, this could be true in many cases. The question a man asks himself is “Can I be friends with this woman?”

Stage 3: Mental Attraction

When a man takes the time to learn how a woman thinks, feels, and conducts her life, he has reached the third stage of attraction. He is attracted by her character and not just by her body. He will be attracted to the way she thinks, and how she handles the situations of life.

Stage 4: Soul Attraction

You realize this person has what you need to grow. After all, growth is what relationships are ultimately about – the growth of the two individuals and the pair as a unit. The man feels this person is the “One” he is meant to be with for his soul to grow. At this level, a man’s heart must be open and he must be willing to fall in love.

Has this post resonated with you? What are your thoughts about these four stages? Are they true for you? It is important for both sexes to understand how men come to fall in love. Next week, we’ll talk about the four stages women go through to fall in love which is very different from the order for men. Stay tuned. Do leave a comment, and click the Google icon if you enjoyed this post. Also, sign up for my weekly posts using the email box on the side.

Until next time, keep looking up!


How to Prepare for the Next Crisis

Ever feel like life is one crisis after another? Does watching the evening news make you anxious and fearful? Ever wish things would just settle down and stay static for a while? I know I do but I don’t think it’s going to happen anytime soon. In fact, it seems like things are coming at us at even faster speeds.

The crises we face in life are opportunities to see how we react and to test and grow our character. The difficult part is most of the time we are blind-sided by these events: an unexpected death or illness, a financial loss, a relationship shatters. Then what? If we have not strengthened our spiritual muscle, we are in for a rough time. So today, I’m going to share with you the importance of strengthening your spiritual muscle. Didn’t know you had one? Then read on.

In the same way athletes strengthen their physical muscles for more intense workouts, we too must train our spiritual muscle for the ever-increasing challenges life presents. Deep within each of us lies a seed. This seed is the birthplace of our greatest power. It is our secret weapon against the trials and tribulations of life. It is the key to keeping our joy and our peace despite difficult circumstances. It is crucial to maintaining hope in the midst of great loss or disappointment. Without a strong spiritual muscle, we are tossed to and fro in the tsunamis of life’s sudden difficulties. We moan and groan. We get depressed. We lose hope and we lose faith. There will always be difficult circumstances to deal with but we can prepare ourselves to handle them in a much more positive way.

I was having dinner with an old friend last night who had recently married. As she shared all the joys of marriage, she also shared how her health had deteriorated and how she is in much pain. I felt so badly for her. As a ballroom dancer for many years, she has always been active and now she can barely walk without pain. Yet her conversation was full of joy and hope and she focused on all the blessings in her life and her upcoming travels. That my friends, is what a spiritual muscle does for you.

It’s about focusing on the good things in our lives, rather than the negatives. It’s about realizing we all go through storms, but the storms will pass and there will be blue skies once again. It’s about knowing there is a loving and caring God who understands the suffering we go through. It’s about looking forward into the future with hope and anticipation despite the current obstacles.

Faith is the positive belief of things not yet seen. Faith says not only do I believe God can get me through his, I believe He will get me through this. Faith is what Winston Churchill instilled in his famous speech when he said “Never, never give up!” Every trial we go through is an opportunity to learn more about ourselves, others, and God. It gives God a chance to prove His faithfulness to us. It gives us a chance to see God move in our lives. It really is quite an amazing thing to encounter.

As a single divorced mom, I was faced with many difficult circumstances. I dealt with addictions, financial disaster, depression and anxiety, the effects of being raised in an alcoholic home as well as an emotionally abusive and unavailable spouse. I know what it’s like to face major challenges unprepared, so I want to encourage you to take steps today to strengthen your secret weapon so you will be better equipped to face the inevitable crises that will arise in your life.

The storms will rage all around us, but we do not have to allow ourselves to be continuously tossed about. We can remain anchored and steady, knowing the storms are sent for our ultimate good. What storm or challenge are you facing today? Are you sinking in the depths of despair and lost hope? If so, take heart. You will get through it and you will be stronger for it. If this post encouraged you, please click the +1 Google icon, leave a comment, or forward to a friend who may need some encouragement.

Until next time, keep looking up!


Believe in What You See – How to Spot the Red Flags

Single? Lonely? Looking for Mr. Wonderful? Holding on to Mr. Right Now? Too many times when we meet someone we see them through rose-colored glasses, and ignore the red flags. Why? Because we are lonely, bored, tired of waiting, and isolated. Or we are in a relationship, and we know in our head this person is not right for us, but we stay in it anyway, because we are emotionally involved.

Recently, I spoke with two single gals who are in a predicament, shall we say. They are stuck in unhealthy relationships hoping things will change. The years are going by and nothing has changed and both these gals are making excuses to stay. Now I totally understand because I’ve done this very thing and listening to their stories reminded me of how difficult it is to extricate oneself from emotional ties.

Today’s post is dedicated to helping you:
a) spot the red flags early on so
b) you don’t get emotionally entangled with the wrong guy.

Several years ago, I met a guy online on a supposedly Christian dating site. When I read this guy’s profile, my heart was aflutter. He sounded like my perfect match – on paper that is. All the externals I was looking for seemed to be in place – good job, owned his own home, attends church, willing to learn how to dance etc etc. Well. After two years of a conflicted spirit, late night “disagreements” and much heartache, the light bulb finally went on and I put all the pieces together. The guy was lying to me about who he really was. The signs of jealousy, immaturity, and insecurity had been there all along, I simply chose to minimize them. I made excuses and rationalized his behavior. All because I was approaching a milestone birthday and I had set my mind of being engaged by that time.

Lesson #1: my timetable is not always God’s timetable.

Lesson #2: Listen to my spirit.

Anyway, fast forward several years. I was still single so decided to give online dating another try. Another guy contacts me wanting to get together for dinner.

“Here we go again. They think wining and dining me is going to do the trick.” This time I was determined to keep my eyes open and my heart protected.

Don’t ask me what I was thinking. The guy had posted photos of his red Porsche, his motorcycle, his flowers, and his dog. Nothing against any of these, but I kind of felt like there were conflicting messages being sent. Now I always give people the benefit of the doubt, so I went out with the guy. The Porsche and the motorcycle were signs that screamed one word – FAST! He wanted to move quickly in more ways than one. By the grace of God, it only took me 3 dates to figure out the truth and am so glad I did not let myself get emotionally or physically involved with the guy. I chalk the whole experience up to a re-test and I think I passed with at least a “B”. Maybe a B+.

Bottom line of these stories is this. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. Don’t allow the wining and dining, the flowers, the jewelry or the romance to blind you or override your good sense. If you’re not sure what to do, get counseling or talk to some wise friends who are courageous enough to give you an objective perspective. If we want to avoid unnecessary hurt and pain and stay out of wrong relationships, it would do us well to face the reality of who people are before getting physically and emotionally connected to them. Take your time evaluating the person. Three dates seems like a reasonable amount of time.

If any of my story resonates with you or if you have helpful tips you’d like to share, please leave a comment below or on Facebook. Love to hear back from you.

Until next time, keep looking up!


10 Signs You’re in the Wrong Relationship – From a Woman’s Point of View

Relationships can be a dream or a nightmare and it can be very difficult to navigate the waters. This may explain why the number of single Americans continues to grow. Did you know that singles make up over half of the United States population?

Some 124.6 million Americans were single in August, 2014. Now that is quite an impressive statistic. As a long-time divorced lady, I have some experience with what can possibly go wrong in a relationship. Sometimes, we miss the obvious “red flags” because we are a) lonely b)already smitten or c)clueless. As they say, love is blind. So in an attempt to remove the blindfold, and keep my fellow single friends from going through unnecessary pain and angst, today I am going to share 10 signs that indicate you may be in the wrong relationship. I am writing from a woman’s point of view, but many of these signs can just as well apply to women for my male readers.

1. The guy never has money to pay your way.
You are a treasure, a gift, and your presence deserves to be honored. If a guy always asks you to pay your own way, he may not be able to afford you.

2. Your partner tells “little white lies”. I’m sorry, but a lie is a lie. If someone is withholding information or distorting the facts, they are lying. If the person is compelled to not tell the whole truth about small situations, what is going to happen when something big comes up?

3. The person only talks about himself. Nothing is more boring than to spend an evening listening to a guy go on and on about himself, his accolades, his children, his wealth, ya da ya da ya da. If the guy doesn’t show an equal amount of interest in you, my dear girl, right from the get go, he is not going to later on. This behavior indicates a possible narcissistic personality and is unhealthy, so run!

4. The guy wants to get you in bed early on. Ok, I admit I am a bit old school and I know times are changing. However! I still live by my mother’s old adage “Why should he buy the cow if he can get the milk for free?” Sleeping with a guy is no guarantee he is going to stay with you. In fact, if he is pestering you early on for sex, that is a clear indicator of his true motives. Move on.

5. The guy drinks a lot, smokes a lot, eats a lot, uses drugs or gambles a lot. These are all addictive behaviors and you are not going to be the one to “fix him”. If your beau displays any of these behaviors to excess, again – move on!

6. He can’t seem to hold a steady job. I once dated a guy who had a four-page resume. There was always some excuse why the job didn’t work out. You have to ask yourself “What is the common denominator?” Now I don’t mean if a poor guy loses his job, you should dump him. What I mean is if the guy has a string of jobs that only last a short time and then he is out looking again, tell him to look in the mirror first and move on!

7. He has a lot of female “friends”. Typically when a guy tells you “She’s just a friend,” that usually means she is an ex-girlfriend. And if she is still hanging around, she is still interested in him. You want a guy who only has eyes for you, a guy who has long-term relationships. You do not want a playboy, a player, or a Casanova romeo. Unless, of course, you want your heart broken.

8. The guy offers to buy you. I once was told “If we get together, you’ll never have to worry about money again,”. It was all I could do not to gag. This is a manipulative ploy wealthy men use to get a woman. Any self-respecting female can support herself and does not need to be “taken care of” by a man. Times have changed, and no longer do women look to men to provide for them. Women today are looking for deeper values such as commitment, communication, intimacy and such.

9. Your friend has a critical spirit. He makes cutting or sarcastic remarks at your expense and then brushes it off by saying “I was only joking with you,” or “Can’t you take a joke?” Sorry, buddy. No dice. Sarcasm is a sign of insecurity. A secure man will never undermine his lady in any way. It is not funny. It is petty and unacceptable. Again, gals, move on. It will only get worse as time goes by.

10. Last but not least, do not get involved with a man who is already in another relationship. I consider being separated still being married. I do not want to be the reason someone’s marriage dissolves. If a guy is seeing another woman “on the side”, you don’t want him. Love triangles only bring heartache and pain. Find someone who is unattached and available. The last thing you need in a budding romance is drama.

Ok, so there you have it. Ten signs you are in the wrong relationship. I’m speaking from personal experience on a lot of these and hope this post has opened your eyes to see if any of these could be true in your relationship. The sooner you spot these signs and get out, the quicker you will be able to move on to find Mr. Wonderful.

When we find the inner power we all possess, we will be more confident in our choices and find the courage to say no to unhealthy situations. Love to hear your thoughts on this post. Until next time, keep looking up and do click on the +1 google icon so I know you liked this post.

Looking For a Sign?

Seems like single guys and gals both have the same problem – how to read the signs that the person they are interested in is interested in them. This has long been an issue amongst my single friends, so I thought I’d share an anecdote about it, and do what I can to help the situation. I’m all for couples getting together and sometimes we shy folk, (yes, me included) have a bit of a time deciphering the signs. Now, I’m going to tell you up front, I’m going a bit out of my comfort zone with this post, so please do write and let me know your thoughts, ok?

This past Friday, I decided to go to the west coast swing dance. Most of you know that I love to dance, right?

Lord, please let me meet some new people tonight.

As I entered the ballroom, everyone was smiling and dancing, glad to release the cares of the week. The lights were dimmed and the rhythm of the music electrified the air.  I noticed a few new faces and smiled to myself.

Thank you, Lord. I see some new people here.

It wasn’t long before one of the new faces asks me to dance and to be honest, he was quite the dancer. Cute, too and plus, he made me laugh. I’m starting to feel something.

So the second time he asks me to dance, he starts telling me how hard it is for guys to know when a woman is interested. My ears perk up. Then he shares that he only gets phone numbers from women he isn’t interested in. Now I start to chuckle.

Hmmmm. Funny I feel the same way.

“Well, I have to tell you, we women have the same problem. And I will admit, I have been told I need to send louder signals.” We both smiled at the absurdity of it all and decided to enjoy the fun of the evening.

As I thought about the conversation on the way home, I analyzed why men are so afraid to ask. I think it basically boils down to two fears:
1)  the whole fear of rejection thing
2)  the ‘She’s not interested in me’  mentality

Both of which stem from a basic lack of – dare I say – faith. You knew I was bringing it around now, didn’t you?

Luke 11:9 puts it this way “Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find. Knock and the door shall be opened to you.” This is a promise, kind of like an if-then statement for all my techie friends. If we ask in faith, God promises to answer. It’s a fact. This verse has been tested by yours truly over and over, so trust me, it does work.

Somehow many of us have a hard time asking for what we want. We feel we are unworthy. Or God is too busy to answer our prayer. Or some other lack of faith excuse. Just as we women want you guys to ask, God wants us to ask. How much more of a sign do you need?

Lastly, consider this: if we don’t have the courage to step out in faith and ask, the answer will always be no. So what will you do next time? Will you still be looking for a sign? Or will you take a step of faith and ask?

Hoping this post encourages some of you to have a bit more faith, and to step out of your comfort zone. What situation are you hesitant about? Asking for a raise? A date? More time with your beloved? Until next time, keep looking up.